Fallen
by SoleixDeidara
Summary: "I offer you what I said before. Freedom; the one thing you never had the chance to grasp ahold of in your entire life… I am not only giving you the chance, but the assurance; I give you my solemn promise...I can give it to you Deidara… I can be the one who severs the chains that bind you…I can restore you… to the time in this life when before you fell… before you became fallen…"
1. The Veil

**A/N: Okay, I just spent an entire hour converting this into 3rd POV... -.- if I missed one I'm sorry, but I could care less at this point... SO MUCH... CLICKING! Okay, I am NOT switching POV's again... I mean 1st, 2nd, 3rd types... I may switch through Tobi's and Deidara's POV in this story just because... :) Alright... I hope you are all satisfied... I'm going to go collapse... and Die... Merp...**

The Veil

_Lost, forlorn, broken. I am anything but okay. I long ago lost count of the tears I have shed; I long ago forgot what it truly was to feel. Memories, distant reveries of a radiant past… but my mind succumbs to this all-consuming fog—an all-encompassing darkness—every time I try and take hold of these recollections, the once-tangible imaginings evanescing into mist and slipping through my slender fingers; I am left with nothing but darkness, always darkness. I know, deep down in the abysmal depths of my blackened heart, that I was once happy. That I was once great. That there was I time when I wasn't fallen…_

Deidara bit down on his tongue, exerting every last ounce of will that he possessed to try and hold back the words he wanted to say, despite the rage that gnawed at bones resting just under his battered skin. His lips, bruised and bleeding, were still swollen from Sasori's outburst the night before—some drunken-induced rage, starting with mere shoves but ending with him throwing himself on Deidara—but Deidara knew better than to get in his way when he was angry; it wouldn't end well for anyone.

He cried out in pain as Sasori's hand struck his face again, black spots dancing amidst his vision as he fell to his knees, hands clutching his stomach in pain as it threatened to vomit up everything inside, but Sasori didn't relent, his hand striking his again with increased fervor.

"I'm sorry," Deidara whispered, body trembling with fear. He lowered his head, his hair flowing down, hiding his face; as if, somehow, the long blonde screen could shelter me from Sasori. Tears streamed down Deidara's face, but he knew they meant nothing to Sasori. As far as he was concerned, Deidara was but an object, a possession, and if he didn't do exactly as Sasori instructed, he was useless to him; the only way Deidara would ever learn in Sasori's eyes was through pain.

"Sorry doesn't earn me the money you owe me," Sasori threatened, his voice emotionless. There was a sick, almost twisted look of glee lighting up the depths of his almond eyes; Deidara knew—fear gripping him in a vice—that he was enjoying this, that his pain gave Sasori the utmost pleasure.

"Please," Deidara begged, not trusting his voice to give life to the words as he struggled to my knees, arms unsteady as he tried to brace himself "I promise, I-I… I can work harder. All I want to do is make you proud…" Deidara knew, deep in his heart, it didn't matter. His words fell on deaf ears; there was nothing he could ever say that would come to his aid and protect him from Sasori's anger. Deidara had no salvation.

Another brutal smack to the face sent him sprawling onto the floor, his mind momentarily lapsing out of consciousness. But no, unconsciousness was too great a gift for Deidara—Sasori wasn't about the let him escape that easily.

"Oh I know you will," Sasori said with a malicious grin. Deidara glared up at him, his hatred festering like an unclean cut, but he wouldn't dare try and defend himself. Deidara could hear his heart beating, his entire body pulsating in rhythm with the rapid sound, and his hatred finally boiled over.

"You're so strong aren't you, taking out your anger on someone weaker than you?" Deidara regretted the words the second they had slipped from his lips. Sasori's face was a mask of stone, his eyes shadowed with silent, brooding rage, hands coiling into claws.

Sasori's hands closed around his throat in an iron vice, the air being forced from his lungs instantly. He lifted Deidara into the air, a cry of pain escaping his lips as he slammed his back into the wall, and Sasori's coffee eyes regarded Deidara with a look of amusement—as if he were fascinated with the idea that he had actually stood his ground.

Sasori leaned in close, his lips grazing Deidara's ear, his breath, warm but unwelcome, fanning out across his exposed neck. Deidara closed his eyes, a solemn tear slipping from the corner and trickling down his face, unnoticed as it splashed against the ground.

"You don't think I'm strong?" Sasori cooed, the underlying deadly tone of his voice evident. Deidara shook his head, eyes still shut tight, and he bit his lip to keep himself from sobbing.

Deidara was scared—no, terrified—but, if he let on in any way, that would only give Sasori more satisfaction.

"No answer?" Sasori chuckled with an air of surprise. "Does this mean I am weak in your eyes? Am I not the strong hero you want; am I not good enough to sweep you off your feet and, cradling you in my arms, carry you out from the gates of hell?"

Silence.

Deidara refused to open his eyes; the darkness was Deidara's only friend. As long as he couldn't see him, Deidara could pretend that he was somewhere, anywhere, else.

"Look. At. Me." Sasori growled, a hand gripping Deidara's face roughly and smashing it together, his voice dropping an octave. There was a deadly seriousness in his tone, one that commanded respect, but Deidara couldn't open his eyes; he didn't want to face this hell of a reality. "Useless. That is all you are." He violently squeezed Deidara's throat before throwing him to the floor.

Deidara let out another gasp of pain as he collided roughly with the stone flooring, his mind going blank as his head smashed against the tile. The iron tang of blood filled his mouth, and, using both of his arms as a brace, Deidara struggled to his knees, cradling his injured head with both hands as soon as he trusted knees to support him alone. His throat burned, and Deidara was suddenly wracked by a fit of violent coughing, blood splattering across the floor with each cough.

His arms suddenly felt weak, as if the weight of the world had been placed on his shoulders, and, despite Deidara's best effort, there was nothing he could do as he once more crashed to the ground. Deidara silently cursed everything he could think of responsible for this torment: fate, the ever temperamental gods, gravity.

Sasori drug Deidara out his agony-induced stupor as he forced him to his feet, placing his hand against Deidara's cheek in some mock gesture of comfort.

"Now don't worry Deidara," he whispered softly in his ear, the would-be comforting voice only striking fear deeper into Deidara's heart; it was like a cobra whispering hissing softly to the little swallow, saying everything would be okay as it prepared to sink its fangs deep into the feathered flesh. "I won't—well can't—hurt you too irreparably. I still need you on the streets; after all, where would I be without you?"

Deidara felt a pang of sorrow stab through him. It wasn't by choice—oh no, Deidara never would have chosen to wake up one morning in the twisted embrace of a lustful stranger. It was simply the cards that fate had handed to him. That was his usefulness to Sasori in a nutshell; Deidara was nothing but his unwilling whore—forced to slave at his beck and call. Beyond that, he could care less what happened to him.

_You could escape… you could get away from it all. It would be so easy…_ The thought evanesced as quickly as it had formed, like a ring of ice choosing to coalesce on the surface of a lake just as the sun had reached its peak in the cerulean sky. _Forget it Deidara! Your imagination has died; you stopped putting your faith in fairy tales long ago…_

The thought made him sick. Deidara wanted to kill him, to put him through the hell that he faced every day just once… but Deidara learned long ago that dreams are for fools.

Wishing for a happy ending will only cause you to wind up cold and alone, your body discarded, stones lashed against your ankles, into the ocean, asking yourself what happened as you took one last look into the sky before sinking down into the depths, forgotten by the world.

Sasori raised his hand to strike again, but his cellphone, which was resting on the table, started to ring, the all too familiar monotone humming once again coming to Deidara's rescue. His eyes flickered toward the source of the noise, his feral stance not slackening, as if he were weighing the two options; risk passing up a business call or continue to abuse Deidara for his own twisted pleasure.

In the end, business won. Sighing, Sasori trudged over to answer his phone, a dull beep sounding as he pressed a button and sank into the couch.

"Hello?" his voice brightening to that of a warm greeting, not even a trace of his former malice.

Deidara silently thanked whatever deity had instigated his salvation, but his victory was short lived.

"Alright Deidara," Sasori said clasping his hands together, "get yourself cleaned up. A customer will be here in twenty minutes."

Deidara's blood ran cold. He glared at Sasori, eyes two razors, imagining the multitudes of ways he could end his existence. He held Deidara's gaze with a calm, collective stare, his inner coldness eventually smothering the tiny flame of hatred that Deidara had struggled to keep alive.

"Who?" Deidara resigned to his defeat, his eyes flickering toward the clock, brain taking note of the time. Fighting Sasori would only end with more suffering. As long as he needed Deidara, he could keep on surviving; he could keep on holding on…

"A new customer. Kind of strange really. He asked specifically for you, and he said he would come to my address to get you. I would've questioned it, but he offered me 1500 dollars; I wasn't about to let that slide by me." Sasori laughed, as if it was hilarious to him that he was sending Deidara with a complete stranger; the possibility that Deidara might wind up dead no doubt flashing through his mind—_heh, an amusing thought indeed._ Sasori, shaking himself out of his thoughts, gave Deidara a dubious look, his eyes widening, eyebrows knitting together.

"Why…?" His voice trailed off, "…are you still here?" He stood up, arms pushing off the spongy cushions of the couch, and, closing the distance between us in two inhuman strides, Sasori picked Deidara up roughly, nails digging viciously into his skin as he whirled him around so that Deidara's back faced him, his arms enveloping Deidara in a tight embrace.

"What's wrong Deidara?" He whispered, mock pity lacing his words, "don't want to leave me all alone?" His tongue probed Deidara's ear, exploring a moment before trailing down to his earlobe, the gesture sending a small shiver through him—was it fear or excitement? "Do you need me…" he whispered gruffly, his teeth toying with Deidara's earlobe for a moment before roughly biting the skin. "…because, if you do, I want you to know that I can never get enough of you…" His teeth clamped down slightly harder on Deidara's earlobe before releasing, an echo of the warmth still persisting as Sasori's tongue trailed down to his neck, one of his hands snaking its way underneath his shirt.

Deidara didn't need him. Deidara didn't want him. Deidara wanted nothing to do with him. But here, in this moment, he was all he had; the only, albeit maleficent and twisted, feeling of love that Deidara had ever known.

"No," Deidara whispered, his words shaky, "I don't want to leave you… but I… I will. I will do this for you, Sasori."

He turned Deidara around, strong hands grasping his slender arms, and, his face centimeters from Deidara's, he softly kissed his lips; a cold, glacial feeling enveloping Deidara's body.

Deidara didn't love him. He hated him. No matter what he did, Deidara would always feel cold in his arms…

"That's the Deidara I love. I'm glad you are back." Sasori said, almost warmly. "Now, get cleaned up. I don't pay you to service me; consider that a bonus."

Deidara glared at him as he walked away, his scarlet hair bright in the dim shadows of the apartment, his eyes not once leaving Sasori's figure as he faded into the shadows of the bedroom. "Wake me up when he gets here," Sasori called out as he shut the door, leaving Deidara alone, his fresh wounds screaming in protest as he dazedly walked to the bathroom.

_"Get yourself cleaned up. A customer will be here in twenty minutes."_ His words echoed in Deidara's mind, and I sighed, a feeling of dread rising within me. Despite how much Deidara hated it, he had a job to do, and the better he did it, the more Sasori's rage would dissipate.

The truly funny thing was, although the countless customers that he had been forced to endure, Deidara rarely had actually had to sleep with someone; the main reason being Sasori considered Deidara as his personal fuck-toy, and, if someone wanted to sleep with him, they would have to pay. Unfortunately, that didn't elevate Deidara above the lesser but equally degrading services.

However, there had been a few times when Deidara had been violated by the occasional man wealthy enough to satiate Sasori's greed. He shivered, memories of the abusive men, their avaricious tongues slavering on his neck, their bodies hungering for his own…

Deidara fell to the floor as if he'd been struck; a ghost of Sasori's cruelty sucking the life from his lungs.

Even now, the memories were too painful… if Deidara tried to push to far back… the world seemed to go blank.

Setting his haunted past aside, Deidara quickly slipped off his clothes, a plain, baggy black shirt and some shorts that were far too big for his slim waist, and, leaping back as he turned the hot water tap on as avoid the initial permafrost stream of water that surged out of the showerhead, Deidara tentatively stepped under the now lukewarm current spewing from the metal faucet.

Showers were always something of an ordeal for Deidara. Aside from being forced to stare at his near anorexic figure, each bone standing out in a warped yet statuesque fashion, Deidara had no choice but to come face to face with the numerous bruises and abrasions that tarnished his body in a madman's mosaic, his pale skin only adding to the sickly appearance.

His hair cascaded around him in a river of platinum as he released the hair tie, the infernal dam that dutifully held back the lengthy mane relieved of its duty, and Deidara gratefully stood under the finally warm water gushing from the showerhead, the soothing liquid seeming to wash all of his earthly problems, the river rushing down his skin, stripping away any and all trace of his blood, pain, and sorrows before finally depositing them into the drain where they slowly sank out of mind, disappearing deep into the ground.

Deidara quickly cleaned myself up, wincing as the soap came in contact with his lacerated skin, blinking away tears that were quickly lost amidst the water flowing down his face, and, after carefully scrubbing away the dirt that lingered from his encounter with Sasori from my hair, Deidara stepped out of the shower and set to work on the next part of his task.

A grim smile played across his face, lips tightening in a macabre fashion, as the memory of the bitter advice Sasori had first said to him after Deidara's first experience of the full extent of his rage.

_"Now Deidara, just because your body is torn and broken, do not think for one second that that somehow can save you from me; I do, after all, need you. So I'm going to show you a little trick—consider this a lesson, a welcoming gift if you will, that will give your body the illusion of perfection no matter how fragmented it is beneath." _

Deidara laughed darkly, the sound foreign and ethereal as it passed through his lips, a sick sense of empowerment rising within him for almost no reason. This was the one thing Deidara actually had to thank Sasori for showing him; he had given him a gift that Deidara could use to fool them all, and, despite its insignificance, it had served him well.

Deidara gazed into the mirror, his ice-blue eyes the only part of him that was still pristine, their depths unwavering, shimmering like a crystalline glacier, and, with a weak smile of reassurance, Deidara withdrew the bottle of concealer from the overhead cabinet and began the process of applying it to the entirety of his naked body, his movements withholding a fluid grace despite the shakiness of his hands that had yet to fade.

After a few moments, his face no longer looked as if Deidara had just been beaten a second to death; in fact, Deidara looked truly radiant, the absence of injuries taking away from his natural beauty finally manifesting itself in a noticeable change.

_Five minutes_. The thought flickered through his consciousness, a small reminder lingering in the back of his mind.

Eye makeup was a pain; Deidara wasn't the biggest fan of it—in fact, he practically hated it. However, with all the prostitutes on the streets parading around with their faces practically the equivalent of a drag queen, Deidara acquiesced to wearing eyeliner, which he really didn't mind that much, in the end. Besides, it accentuated his glacial blue eyes perfectly.

Deidara restrung his hair up into a high ponytail—if he didn't, Deidara knew he was in for some serious pain. Deidara learned the hard way that scumbags like to use hair as a way to persuade you to cooperate with them more willingly.

Deidara sighed, his eyes lingering in the mirror, gazing forlornly at his reflection. Deidara knew he was better than this—a hell of a lot better. He shouldn't be here; every single day of his life shouldn't be a struggle of survival just because he was physically weaker than his tormentor. Deidara knew he had a past… he knew that there was more to him than… this…

Sighing again, this time making no effort to mask his anguish, Deidara tore his gaze away from the mirror, knowing that the longer he remained, the more his sorrow would breach the surface.

_Three minutes._ There was no telling if a client was going to be punctual or not. The most eager of them arrived minutes, if not even an hour early, no doubt afraid that they would miss their chance if they were to offend Sasori. The richer, better off of them arrived—well frankly—whenever they damn well pleased. And, since this guy had offered to pay Sasori fifteen hundred dollars upfront, he instinctively classified him as a member of the "prestigious."

The clothing came next.

It was never easy; deciding the way to dress was different for every client. Some preferred skimpy, some preferred formal, and some didn't give two fucks as long as it all came off in the end. Since Sasori hadn't specified on the taste of his soon-to-be patron, Deidara finally just elected to wear the only clothes he owned that he genuinely liked, and, coincidentally, the only clothes that didn't make him look like a hooker: a slim-fit black V-neck, black skinny jeans, and a pair of black converse. As always, slipping it out its hiding place underneath the sole of his left shoe, Deidara tied the black metal locket, a small rose encircled with thorns taking up residency where a heart is normally found, around his neck; the only tangible evidence Deidara had of his family; the blurry memories weren't exactly a real eye opener.

Not that Deidara loved, or even liked his family. His feelings for them—his non-existent parents—were more along the lines of resent. Deidara fought back tears, the salty liquid stinging the cuts hidden beneath the concealer as they rolled down his cheeks, pooling on his chin before falling off into oblivion.

How could you let your own child, the child you chose to bring into the world, suffer like this? Not a single day—not a single twenty-four hours—went by that Deidara didn't think about his parents.

The world grew cold, an icy clarity taking hold of him as the razors of reality lacerated his flesh. Deidara's parents didn't love him—they couldn't have. What ridiculous idea—no, what insanity—took hold of them so much so that they decided to leave their child with the devil… Whoever they were, Deidara was sure of one thing.

They were nothing but cold, unfeeling monsters.

_Thirty Seconds_. His mind jolted him out of his dismal reverie, and Deidara heaved a sigh, his body suddenly laden with exhaustion.

_I'd better go wake Sasori._ Deidara walked to the living room, counting down all the while_. Fifteen, fourteen, thirteen… It would seem, after all, that my company for the evening not the punctual sort after all._ Deidara's eyes flickered between the clock and the door, the clock being his way of monitoring the time he had until twenty minutes had passed, the door, and the telltale shadow cast by a person standing outside of it, his way of knowing when his guest had arrived.

_ Six, five, four, three, two… _Deidara sighed. So he would have to wait for him to get here… not a good sign. Who knows what could have happened; hell, he could have been shooting up drugs and Deidara would be none the wiser. But Deidara didn't know why he cared, for that matter; Deidara was to be this mans' object of sexual desire for the night. Why should he give a fuck about whether or not he was destroying his life?

_One…_ Deidara nearly screamed, the only thing suppressing the sound being the even greater threat of startling Sasori out of his slumber. His heart was pounding in his chest, his breathing shallow and rapid. The exact moment the second hand had reached the time signifying twenty minutes passing, a shadow had materialized—as if from thin air—outside the door, not the slightest sound of footsteps clambering up the metal staircase signaling the arrival of the man. Deidara placed a hand against his forehead, searching for any sign of elevated temperature, any reason for him to dismiss this as a hallucination induced by the slowly dying imagination that dwelled inside him, clinging to its last dregs of life.

The doorbell rang once, the solemn sound echoing throughout the small apartment, and Deidara felt himself—well, forced himself too—calm down.

_You must have just missed the sound of him approaching. You were distracted after all. _Not reassuring, but it was better than searching for shadows in the dark.

Making his best effort to compose myself, Deidara padded silently to the door, his hands expertly unlatching, unclasping, and unhooking the multitude of locks gracing the wooden entrance. Finally, his fingers trembling as they unlocked the last deadbolt, Deidara turned the doorknob and slowly opened the door to meet just who exactly he was going to be slaving himself to for the night.

The first thing Deidara noticed about him was the long, black, hooded cloak he wore, the gossamer cimmerian fabric completely concealing his face beneath a screen of midnight. The second thing Deidara noticed was his eyes, two crimson coals blazing like small fires within the all-concealing night that shrouded his face.

He was tall, a good head taller than him, which Deidara didn't mind. His broad shoulders hinted at a muscular figure hidden beneath the shroud of darkness, but, strangely, Deidara noticed not a single trace of flesh was visible; his hands were even masked by black leather gloves.

Stranger still, Deidara noticed, even though his face was completely hidden from his scrutiny, his eyes seemed to fill with sorrow, the scarlet irises laden with grief, as he gazed at him.

_Snap out of it. You are forgetting why he is here!_

"Oh, um, won't you come in?" Deidara managed to stammer, the words not sounding quite as welcoming as he had hoped.

"Of course Deidara," the man's voice was deep, startlingly so, but Deidara hardly registered that fact. His entire body had frozen in place the moment the man had said his name. "Sorry if I startled you," The man quickly amended, "Sasori gave me your name… I hope that doesn't unsettle you." He had said the words almost with… longing?

_Why the hell would you care? Aren't you just going to fuck my brains out and then drop my ass off here when you are done with me?_

"Oh, no… no, it's not a problem." Deidara lied through his teeth. "Would you mind if I step out really quick to go wake up Sasori… he wanted me t-to get him when you arrived."

Deidara quickly turned and stalked towards Sasori room, silently cursing himself for stuttering; essentially causing the effort Deidara had made to reconcile him to blow up in his face.

"Sasori," he whispered loudly as the door creaked open. No response.

"Sasori!" Deidara said louder, his voice now the whisper-equivalent of a shout. He sat up, eyes blinking away the fog of sleep, but he still looked groggy as he stumbled out of bed; Deidara winced as he saw that he was naked.

"Deidara…? What the hell…" His voice raised, anger bubbling just beneath the surface of his tone, but his memory quickly shoved him back into reality. "Oh… right. I assume—and you better hope for your sake—that he is here?" Sasori said as he slipped himself into a pair of boxers.

"He is here, yes." Deidara said curtly, earning a steely glare from Sasori, his hands balling into fists.

"Deidara, I swear to God, if you weren't about to go out, I would have beaten you for taking that tone with me." Sasori was next to him in an instant, moving with the jerky yet undeniable grace of a scorpion clattering across the desert sand. His hands slunk down to Deidara's waist, giving his ribs a vicious squeeze before shoving past him to greet the stranger in the living room.

Deidara followed behind him, his movement slower; Deidara was anything but eager to spend the night with this freak show. Normally, he wouldn't judge anyone so harshly, but, even in the city, since when did you see a guy wearing a cloak of all things?

"Ah, you must be the man that called me," Sasori said warmly, though his eyes widened in surprise as he took in the stranger's appearance. He clapped his hands together, obviously eager to get to the part of the job where he got paid for handing Deidara over to this guy. "I assume you have the 1500 you promised with you, in cash?" Sasori said the last few words in a slower, more serious tone. However, the stranger hardly even seemed fazed by Sasori's obvious threat.

"Yes," the man said softly, his eyes meeting Deidara's for a moment as they flickered over to him, "I have the money. Cash, as requested." The man produced a stack of bills, all of them neatly held together by a black ribbon, and handed them to Sasori, who promptly counted them to make sure he wasn't being cheated.

The man's gaze shifted to Deidara again while Sasori was busy thumbing through the money, his lips uttering inaudible words as he counted the bills. Deidara couldn't look away; ice-blue met blood-red, and his eyes lingered on the man even after he averted his gaze back to Sasori.

"Alright," Sasori said brightly, tucking the money into the seam of his boxers, "Everything is in order here. He's yours for the night, and, if you enjoy his company and desire more, I'd be more than willing to oblige… for a small fee that is."

"Of course," the man said, his voice emotionless, "Let's just see how tonight goes first."

"Fair enough," Sasori flashed a smile at the man before turning to me, eyes hard, "Deidara! You heard me, didn't you? Get your ass over here and at least make an effort to throw yourself on this man; he paid upfront after all."

Deidara sulked over, hooked his arm in the stranger's, and, without even a glance back, he strode out with him into the cold night air.

Deidara hated the city sometimes—well, not the city as a whole, just the way it somehow managed to ruin the simpler things in life. The air was tainted, the slight toxicity of the air, no doubt polluted by the nearby factory, making his head spin.

They walked in silence, treading carefully down the iron wrought stairs that led up to Sasori's apartment—or, more appropriately, hell.

They reached the bottom, the air slightly less stifling, and Deidara cast a sidelong glance at the man.

"So, what is it we are doing here?" He asked, silently taking pride that he had managed to muster the courage to talk to him.

"We are waiting for my ride to get here." The man answered briskly.

"The driver didn't want to wait for you or what?" Deidara inquired, solemnly aware that he was probing the man a little too much.

"I was not driven here…" the man responded curtly, his words trailing off as if he knew he had said too much.

"Then how—"

"—Your questions can wait," he ordered. Deidara was left to his thoughts, which, at the moment, weren't nearly as fascinating as the cloaked man next to him.

"Oh, I get it." Deidara sighed. "I have to earn the answers from you? Is that it?" He didn't wait for a response as he moved in front of the man, his back pressing up against the man's chest as Deidara ground the man's hips against his own.

A small groan escaped his lips, his arms—which were quite muscular, Deidara noted—suddenly enveloping him in a gentle embrace, but, much to Deidara's dismay, the man quickly removed himself from him and stepped to the side, as if he wanted Deidara but forced himself away.

"D-don't… don't do that again, please." The man said warily, the shakiness of his voice betraying his words.

He _definitely_ wanted Deidara to do _that_ again, but, for whatever reason, he was forcing himself to abstain.

"Fine, fine." Deidara mused to himself. "I just don't see the point in hiring a hooker if you aren't going to abuse the privilege." The man spun to face him, crimson eyes flaring brighter amidst the ethereal darkness that was his face.

"Are you saying you are used to being abused?" There was almost a pain in his words, as if the idea that Deidara had ever been abused was too unbearable for him to believe.

"I never said that," Deidara said defensively, his voice rising in volume, "I'm just curious as to why you aren't all over me. Normally, for 1500 dollars, a man would already be dry-humping me as he struggled to remove his clothes at this point. But you…" His voice trailed off; Deidara didn't have the energy to question this stranger anymore. Curiosity was one thing, if kept to a minimum. But this guy didn't seem like the type to take harmless questions and dismiss them as nothing.

No, Deidara was sure of it; he would have no qualms about killing him if Deidara riled him up enough.

Sighing, tucking a stray strand of his blonde hair behind his ear, Deidara stood in silence next the mysterious man, the mournful sighs of the wind as it creaked through the buildings around them and Deidara's slightly rapid heartbeat the only sounds filling the cold night air.

"Would you mind if I asked you something," The sudden rumble of the man's deep voice made Deidara jump, surprise etching his features as he turned to face the man, the crystalline depths of Deidara's eyes widening.

Deidara slowly shook his head. "Um… sure, go ahead…" Deidara murmured, his tongue forcing his unwilling voice to cause the words to stumble out. The crimson embers set into the darkness—his eyes being Deidara's only reassurance that the man was even human—flared, his gaze softening as he placed a hand on Deidara's shoulder.

"How old are you…" His voice trailed off as if he was second guessing his words; it was as if the man actually wanted to ensure that Deidara was comfortable answering the question—as if it made a difference as to what Deidara's opinion was. He had paid for him, so Deidara was physically obligated to fulfill any and all of his darkest desires, and, even though he didn't technically have to answer any of his inquiries, Deidara decided that it would be better if he got on his good side now—who knows, maybe he would be gentler with him; he didn't exactly seem like the guy that would stroke your cheek and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

With the way he was dressed… not a chance in hell…

"18," Deidara said blankly, my mind still reeling in shock from the genuine caring this man seemed to possess for me. "What about you_…_?_" Shit. Not my place to ask something like that._ Deidara's voice wavered, his mind frantically searching for some string of words that might appease his possible anger at his question. "…I'm sorry… I-I shouldn't… it was not my place."

"No, you have a right to know these things," the man said reassuringly, although, just beneath the surface, Deidara was still panicking, cursing himself for his stupidity.

"I'm twenty-one." The man stated, "And three years older than you it would seem. I… I-I hope that doesn't make you uncomfortable…"

Disbelief, astonishment, skepticism; just of few of the emotions that passed through Deidara's body as he heard these words.

"My God… you're serious aren't you?" Deidara murmured incredulously, "Forgive me for being so upfront, but, if I may ask… Why the hell should you care if I'm okay with it?" Deidara knew he should stop, that he should get off the poor man's back—it wasn't his fault after all, but Deidara was just so caught up, the fire inside him blazing to life, the still-fresh coals of hiss hatred for Sasori reignited with his sudden outburst. "Isn't this whole business in a nutshell basically paying someone for a discreet fucking…? Why should it matter if something about you bothers me? That isn't why I'm here; I'm here because you paid that asshole Sasori $1500—not a very good deal on your part, if I may add—just so you could have me for one night. And yet here you are, after practically throwing away all that money, questioning me as to whether or not I'm okay with certain aspects of you. Frankly, this whole thing seems too good to be true—no one, no one, has ever given two fucks about what I think. That isn't what this is all about… but you… you aren't just anyone… are you?"

"Well, you get straight to the point, don't you," the man chuckled, clearly amused by my valiant tirade. "I'll tell you what, I won't ask any more questions until the car gets here, and you won't ask me about my intentions. I hope these terms are agreeable?"

Deidara could only nod his head, his thumb and index finger subtly pinching the flesh on his forearm in an attempt to snap him out of it—to bring down the ice-laden rains and douse the fire that was this impossible reality.

It had no effect, not really to Deidara's surprise.

A few awkward moments of silence later, the majority of which included Deidara gazing incredulously at the man clad in black and cloaked in shadow to his left, a sleek black sports car pulled up, and, his eyes widening in surprise, Deidara let out a slow whistle.

_So this guy wasn't just flashing money around; he really is wealthy. _

"After you," the man offered as he opened the rear door to the vehicle. Deidara's body stumbled forward in a trance-like fashion, his mind still not completely unconvinced that this wasn't a dream, and, ducking his head, his arms exploring the inside of the car to find a suitable grip, Deidara clambered inside, settling down on the far side of the car.

To his surprise, the man didn't walk around to the other side of the car and take his place in the passenger's seat; instead, he climbed in right behind him, his body moving with the fluid grace of the shadows themselves, and, to Deidara's even greater bewilderment, he seated himself next to him.

"Drive," the man commanded, his voice dropping an octave. He then turned to face Deidara, a gloved hand starting to reach out to grace his cheek with its touch, but he faltered, his hand falling limply at his side, heaving a sigh as he forced his attention back to the front of the vehicle.

"So…" Deidara whispered, his voice not sounding as sure as he had hoped it would, "I suppose… you would like to continue are little question and answer segment of the night…?"

A low rumble escaped the man's lips, and Deidara realized he was laughing; the sound ethereal, not of this world…

"I have but one question for you Deidara," The man leaned in close, all humor gone from his tone, an icy severity taking hold of his voice. Despite the shadowed hood completely masking any view he would have hoped to catch of the man, Deidara felt the man's lips brush against his ear as he whispered these words, the soft flesh warm against his skin, still frigid from the exposure to the chill of the night.

Deidara shivered; the trembling starting at the nape of his neck and traveling down the base of his spine, until every nerve ending in Deidara's body was vibrating in both anticipation and fear.

"And what is that?" Deidara asked, his voice suddenly small. This man—no, not even a man. He was much more than that. It was as if he was the embodiment of darkness itself, the shadows breathed to life and given human form. Deidara trembled as his breath fanned across his skin, the warmth of it sending Deidara into another bout of shivering.

The man was silent for a long time. He didn't lean back, or try to touch or grope me, as Deidara was sure he was going to. He just remained there, motionless; the only sign that he was even alive being the telltale heat of his breath washing over Deidara's skin every few moments.

"If you had the chance… would you escape?" The man finally spoke. "Would you leave it all behind? Would you step blindly into the darkness, not knowing what the future might hold, just to leave this life behind? Would you take a chance if it meant you could be… free?" It was Deidara's turn to be silent.

The word seemed foreign to Deidara—alien as he silently repeated it with my lips. _Free…_

Deidara had never known freedom… ever. Since the earliest he could recollect, Deidara had been bound to Sasori's cruel devotion; there was no past beyond that, as if he had simply begun to exist bound in the shackles wrought from Sasori's malice.

"I… I don't understand." It was all Deidara could think to say. His mind simply could not wrap itself around the idea of freedom. There was no such thing; there was no future in which Deidara would ever achieve such a liberty… he was bound until death.

"If I offered it too you; if I offered you the choice to break free from your past, and escape the cold embrace of you eternal tormentor Sasori… would you take it?"

Deidara's eyes grew hard, a torrential blizzard rising up from their glacial depths, and his expression grew cold, his smile tightening, turning grim, brows knitting together.

"Such a fate is impossible; it is beyond what I can ever dream to achieve… you speaking these words, your twisted, dagger tongue giving life to such falsities, it doesn't change a thing. I am trapped, it's true, but I won't be breaking free anytime soon—ever actually."

The man's gaze softened, sorrow rising up in his blood-red irises. "Nothing I have said to you is a lie." He paused, placing both of his hands on Deidara's shoulders, as if the tangibility of his grip could reassure him that what he said was true. "I can offer you the world… There is so much more to you than you know… All I'm asking if for you to take the chance, this one leap of faith, and—"

"Faith is better left to the damned and the fools," Deidara interjected coldly, his shoulders shrugging off his hands. "I will not—"

"—Will you listen to what I have to say!?" His eyes flaring red as anger boiled up from inside him. "This is bigger than you, bigger than you will ever know. I-I… I just…" the man faltered, his rage dissipating as quickly as it had come. "…please… just listen…"

Deidara nodded slowly. He would listen to what the man had to say, but that was the end of it; he'd had enough of his "promises."

"I offer you what I said before. Freedom; the one thing you never had the chance to grasp ahold of in your entire life… I am not only giving you the chance, but the assurance, I give you my solemn promise…" The man leaned in closer, his lips grazing Deidara's ear once more, his body trembling, eager to believe the words he spoke, "I can give it to you Deidara… I can be the one who severs the chains that bind you…"

Deidara closed his eyes, drinking in the silence that suddenly became a comforting void. Deidara wanted to believe him… every last shard of his mind, body, and soul longing to bestow truth to his words.

"And if you can't? What is there to make me believe that what you say is true?"

The man regarded Deidara for a moment, genuinely considering the words that had just taken flight from his tongue. It was insane, after all; how could he just ask so much of him? Deidara had barely known the man for scarcely more than an hour. Hell, Deidara didn't even know his name. Yet, here he was, asking him to give up everything he knew and take a chance with the unknown, to gamble with fate. Deidara's life may not have been great—correction, it was barely a step above a living hell—but it was all he had… all he knew…

"There is nothing I can say." The man finally replied, Deidara's shoulders sagging with the words. "All I can promise you is that I can free you, I can mend you… I can take you back; alter the threads of fate… I can restore you… to the time in this life when before you fell… before you became fallen…"

The word, that single word, struck a chord deeper in Deidara than anything he had ever said before. He didn't have to second guess what the man had said any longer. The choice was now clear, an icy clarity taking hold of him the likes of which Deidara had never experienced. He could do this without a second thought.

"I accept," Deidara breathed. There was a weighty price in these words; if he had made a mistake, Sasori wouldn't just hurt him—no, if Deidara ran away from him, life would be too merciful a punishment. Death was his fate should he fail to act on what exactly it was the man was offering him.

This was it. There was no turning back. He had just written, signed, and stamped—all in blood—this contract. Deidara's life was more than just on the line. He was entrusting his fate with this man, Deidara had practically poured his soul into his hands; the ethereal phantasm his to crush should he so choose.

And, frankly, Deidara didn't give a damn.


	2. Broken

**A/N: Okay, normally, I would leave this at the end of the chapter, but I just want to explain a few things. First of all, the last chapter I posted was ABSOLUTE SHIT. I read it, and it disgusted me so much... you don't even know. So I deleted half the chapter, and, luckily today was my day off, so I was able to stay up until 3 am typing non-stop to write this. And a little side note, PM isn't exactly a reliable way of communication, so, if you want to contact me, my Instagram is: ( shipwrecked_syren). I apologize again for the mental trauma that must have been inflicted by this chapter. Hopefully, you enjoy this redone chapter much more. Also, you will notice that much of the information in this chapter is completely changed. I wanted to take it in a different direction. The main plot will still be the same, I just want to drag out its development. Okay, Enough of my ramblings. I hope you enjoy this much more than the abomination it was before (: Oh, and I hate to be the douche who does shit like this, but the speed in which I update will depend on reviews and such. If I feel like a story isn't going anywhere or it has potential but it isn't going to be noticed, I won't waste the effort. It isn't that I wouldn't like to write the story, it's just I don't have time to waste in pointless endeavors. (What with my two jobs, senior year in high school, college classes, and my 5 workouts a week.) Alright. I'm done (: Enjoy this chapter (:**

**SoleixDeidara**

* * *

Broken

Rain fell from the heavens above in an almost bullet-like shower, each moment the torrential downpour seemed to gain even more fervor. It was as if the gods were grieving. Deidara hugged the large black leather jacket that the man had given him closer to his body.

_"Please wait here. I will only be a moment." _

"Yeah right," Deidara hissed under his breath, "Way to leave me in the downpour of the century." Deidara had always loved the rain—something about it just resonated within him. It was as if the sky was mirroring his inner-turmoil, as if the world was shedding tears for the lonely child.

The streets were empty, not a soul or life-form revealing itself amidst the deluge. Of course, someone could be out there, just beyond Deidara's sphere of vision… lurking in the shadows.

Deidara shook the dark thoughts from his head. _Sasori is gone. You don't have to worry about him anymore… _

Deidara still couldn't bring himself to find truth in these words; he had been held down for so long… there was no way he could just suddenly be free.

"Well, at least he seems pretty wealthy," Deidara muttered as his eyes scanned up the towering structure above him, cursing himself silently for thinking such petty thoughts.

The obsidian steel tower rose to an impossible height; Deidara couldn't even see halfway up the building in the storm. Intricate steel framework sheathed the entire structure, giving it an eerie, almost menacing aura.

"I'm cold," Deidara whispered as he closed his eyes, hoping to block out some of the chaos around him by separating himself from the sensory feel of it. He felt lost—the same way he felt all those years ago when he first tried to run away from Sasori.

Ten minutes. Deidara was positive. Ten minutes had passed since the man promised to return.

_Maybe he has already forgotten about you… who knows? You realize you just let yourself be completely enamored by a promise you could only imagine coming true in your wildest fantasy… No, of course you didn't think of that. You're nothing but a fool… and, perhaps, that's a good thing after all. You find the harsh realities of life are somewhat dulled by being oblivious and numb._

Despite the rain drenching his face—the man had neglected to give Deidara a coat with a hood—Deidara felt a solemn tear slip down his cheek; the drop of liquid distinguishable amidst the countless others.

For, unlike the others, this one was weighed down with sorrow.

The tear followed the curve of his face down to his chin, lingering for a moment on its precipice before dropping off into the void below, the once individual tear now nothing but a splash of water on the flooded concrete.

"It's hard to be alone… isn't it?" A quiet voice—female, by the air to it—murmured, the source of the voice no more than a few steps away.

"Not really," Deidara said without turning his head. He didn't want to give whoever it was the satisfaction of seeing him so broken. "It's just business. You'll pay the price, no matter how steep, in order glimpse your dream. Wouldn't you agree?"

"Not a bad aphorism," the woman chuckled, her voice soft and nearly emotionless. "but, you know, the world has so much more to offer… if one is willing to actually look at the world."

"Why would I waste my time looking at the barren wasteland that I was cultivated from? The world gave me nothing; why should I return the favor by admiring it?"

"Silly child," the woman whispered, "When you look out on these streets, what do you see?"

Deidara opened his eyes, the rain eagerly taking the opportunity to pelt his ocular organs with a barrage of freezing droplets.

Blinking a few times to spare his eyes more trauma, Deidara sighed and looked straight ahead toward the city, the steel grey clouds hanging above the highest buildings in the typical ominous manner.

"Do you really want to know what I see?" Deidara turned around as the last word left his lips, finally facing the owner of the voice.

A small, pale woman, her light cobalt hair cut at neck length, gazed back at him, her piercing amber eyes framed by a valentine shaped face giving him their full attention. She wore a simple black dress, an elegant black fur coat—Deidara hadn't the slightest idea of what animal it could be—cloaking the majority of her body gave her an aura of opulence, and her delicate hands held a paper umbrella above her head.

She was beautiful. One hand left the wooden handle of the umbrella to lightly adjust the azure rose that rested on her head like a precious jewel.

Two thoughts were all that filled Deidara's mind: _Why is she talking to me… she looks a little too high class for… this…? _and _What idiot in their right mind uses a paper umbrella in a monsoon?_

"Yes," she smiled, her small lips curving up, "Please tell me what you see."

Deidara turned around, his face burning. Deidara felt so bland and insignificant in her presence, his skinny jeans and black V-neck suddenly reduced to rags.

"I see nothing. Nothing but the cold, merciless city. In a pragmatic view, this rain suits the city perfectly. It strips away all of the glamour and illusion, leaving only the cold clarity of reality."

"I see," the woman said thoughtfully, "Would you like me to tell you what I see?"

"If you want, you may. However, I cannot promise you that I will listen."

"Ah, well then, how could I go about making you listen?"

"I-I… Tell me your name," Deidara said suddenly.

"My name?" The woman inquired, heavy skepticism lacing the words.

"If you tell me your name, I will listen to every words that pass through your lips."

"Very well, we have a deal." The woman giggled. "My name is Konan, and let me enlighten you as to what it is I see in the world." She moved closer to Deidara, leaning her umbrella—Deidara had no idea how it wasn't reduced to tatters by now—over so that it sheltered both of them from the deluge.

_This should be good…_

"As I recall, you said this city brings you nothing but feelings of pain and remorse? But, is that all that you feel? The world is often cold, painfully so in fact, but, it is only through the pain that true beauty is created…" Konan paused, swiftly and deftly removing the rose form her hair. "Consider the rose. While it rests in the ground, it is seen by no one, noticed by no one. When it sprouts from the ground, it is hated and loathed due to its thorns and maleficent appearance. The rose must survive months of storm, sun, and wind, unnoticed and unappreciated by all… but, when it blossoms, it commands and receives the attention of all who despised it. It becomes a thing of beauty and leaves its dark past behind… The city is but the garden, and we are one of the many flowers; each and every one of us will blossom at a different time… each and every one of us will achieve beauty from pain."

"Of course," Deidara interjected, "The rose wilts shortly after its blossoming, and then it becomes nothing more than a dying wish to be trampled on."

"A fair point," Konan smiled. Deidara gasped as she placed a delicate hand on his cheek, her amber eyes transfixed on his own glacier eyes. "But you will last much longer than a rose." Leaning forward, time seeming to come to a complete standstill, Konan silently placed her lips on Deidara's cheek; the cheek where the tear had cascaded down into oblivion but minutes before.

"Don't let yourself be pulled in by the fear of being forgotten. You are better than that Deidara. There is more too you than you can possibly realize."

A distant, yet loud—loud enough to overpower the screaming of thunder—clanging of a clock rang out across the city, and the woman's face visibly darkened.

"I am afraid I have to leave now. Until we meet again, Deidara."

Deidara could scarcely call out before she disappeared amidst the downpour.

The clanging rang out again, and, in a sudden burst of understanding, Deidara realized that the sound was coming from the top of the tower behind him.

_Is this a… clock tower? I didn't know the city had a clock tower… and, wait… did Konan call me Deidara? How could she know my name?_

"Deidara," the cloaked man's voice made Deidara jump, a small scream forcing its way past his lips, and, even more surprising, Deidara found himself suddenly enveloped by the arms of the man.

"I'm sorry I took so long," the man apologized profusely. "There were a few… things I had to sort out. Come on, let's get you inside. You're freezing."

Deidara didn't even have the energy to retort; plus, he was deeply grateful for the warmth the man gave him.

The man ushered Deidara inside the great onyx doors, and, as they walked inside Deidara noted that, aside from the lights, everything was a shade or hue of black.

A lone elevator waited at the end of the hallway, two flights of stairs framing both sides, and Deidara noticed that, aside from himself and the shrouded man, there was no sign of life.

"Doesn't anyone else live here?" Deidara asked.

"No," The man assured, "No one could unless I gave them permission to do so."

"What do you mean… do you—"

"—Own this building? Yes. It isn't my favorite property, but it is one of the more secluded ones. I'm sure you will find everything to your liking."

For once, Deidara was speechless. He couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that a single man owned a structure as large and as grand as this.

The man guided him to the elevator, escorted him inside, and, after pressing the _TOP FLOOR _button, reassumed his position behind Deidara and wrapped his arms around him once more.

The rode in silence the whole way up… not even the chattering of Deidara's teeth breaking the calm.

The elevator pinged, and the man grabbed Deidara by the hand and led him out of the elevator and into perhaps the most beautiful room Deidara had ever seen.

"What… what is this place?" Deidara said in awe.

"This is my house… well… penthouse I guess. This doesn't really qualify as a real house."

_My ass. This place is fantastic._

"Alright," the man said, clasping his hands together, "You need to go take a hot shower to drive away some of that chill, and I need to go get your room ready." The man paused, red eyes locking on Deidara; the expression, to Deidara, seemed to be embarrassment.

"I assume you would like your own bed to sleep in?" the man said awkwardly.

"Actually, no…" Deidara murmured. "I'd rather not stay in this place alone tonight… if you don't mind."

"Oh no, not at all," the man assured. "I promise it will be strictly platonic. There will be no advances of any kind made."

Deidara laughed. _You know, for a scary, inhuman, cloak-wearing freak, he is kind of cute._

"Thank you, even though that's my job…" Deidara teased.

"Forget about the past," the man said with a sudden seriousness. "I will protect you now…"

There was a long moment of awkward silence, and Deidara decided to be the one to end it.

"Umm, could you show me where the bathroom is please?" Deidara asked, each word as tenuous as the surface of a bubble.

"Of course!" The man exclaimed; clearly, he was just as eager as Deidara was to put an end to the tension.

The man led him to the bathroom, which Deidara believed would be more accurately labeled as a house, due to the fact that it was bigger than Sasori's entire apartment.

"I will be waiting for you on the couch you saw when we came in… assuming you saw the couch… if you didn't that's fine… I can wait somewhere else… I-I… I'm just going to quit while I'm behind."

"I know where the couch is," Deidara giggled. "I will be out shortly. Just let me rinse off."

"Okay… have at it then…" The man stammered before leaving.

Deidara stripped out of his clothes and tossed them aside as he stepped into the shower.

After a few long, arduous moments of feeling worthless, Deidara figured out how to work the shower, and, as the warms streams of water cascaded down on him, he let out a low sigh.

_This… feels… amazing._

Deidara quickly showered, using—despite the guilt that weighed down on him—the man's expensive shampoo and conditioner, and washing his body with a cool smelling soap. _I'll shave tomorrow…_

It would take far too long, and there was only about half a millimeter of hair on his legs anyway.

Drying off and putting on a black silk robe that the man had left out for him, Deidara quickly made his way back into the living room.

"Ah, you have returned," the man said warmly, "Come with me. I will take you to the bedroom… platonically speaking."

* * *

_Inky black tendrils, zealously enveloping me in their cold embrace, forcing my mind out of the sweet numbness that I so craved… forcing me into lucidity. Still, I am drug deeper and deeper into the murky depths, the sea of darkness roiling, eager to swallow me up and send me down into the shadowy depths. A word graces my lips, lazily taking wing off my tongue, the sound not quite coming to life as the fluid darkness filled my throat. I screamed, my voice catching in my throat, the blackness sinking into my lungs forming an impassable wall that my feeble voice had no hope of breaching. Slowly, the darkness swallowed me completely, my arms useless at my sides, my legs already numb, as if they were no longer a part of my body, hanging uselessly beneath my body, which was also already consumed by the ocean of shadow. The darkness engulfed me; I was swallowed up in its cavernous maw… a single ice-blue eye, a glittering glacier refusing to submit to the overwhelming will of the ocean, gazing up into the twilight sky above me… a somber tear slipping from my eye, devoured by the liquid night that I had somehow abstained—the glacial eye gazing up into the heavens the only reward I had to show for my effort, the only proof of my adamantine resolve. _

_ I blinked away tears at the hopelessness of it all… the futility of my valiant opposition. This wasn't a victory—it was hardly a gain of ground… I had merely managed to halt the inevitable… I had brought my ever-looming demise to a standstill; however, this was meaningless. The threads of time would still continue in their eternal dance… the coiling and twisting of new realities did not concern me. I was resigned to my fate…There was no escape…_

_ And suddenly, the man shrouded in shadow, his eyes two rubies glittering with empathy in the fading twilight, was above me, his feet just a hairsbreadth away from the surface of my blasphemous prison. _

_ "Look at you…" the man mused as his cloak billowed and twirled… although there was no wind, his words laced with sincere sympathy, "You haven't had a friend in the world—no one has ever tried to fight for you… and yet… here you are… still persisting—existing. _

_ My lips twisted into a macabre smirk, though, as they were already claimed by the darkness, the man would have no way of sensing the expression._

_ "And why would I give up?" He had no way of hearing the words—how could he? My voice was powerless, a second consciousness stricken with panic, fluttering around my mind in a vain attempt to find a way to escape… to be…_

_ "Free…?" The man supplied, his voice sewn with pity… "That's all you've ever really wanted… isn't it? To be free…? You just never had the chance…"_

_ "Never… not a chance in hell… trapped within a prison where I saw the gate to freedom everyday… so close yet so hopeless unreachable…" What did this man know? He was mocking me; laughing at me and my chains… He had come here only to gloat—to flaunt his own freedom in front of me as my last finger clinging to life slipped away… as I fell into the void…_

_ "Take my hand…" The man said softly, eyes warm and welcoming as he stretched a hand down to me. "I can free you… I can sever the ties that bind you… the tithes you have that compel you to remain in this place…"_

_ "I… I-I can't… don't you see…? I cannot reach out to you… You are so far away…"_

_ "But I'm right here… Deidara, take my hand…" The man was more forceful now, his fingertips plunging into the blackness that enveloped me, searching for a tangible part of me—something to grab ahold of._

_ "No… no, no no… NO! Mother… Father… why are you not here? This man desires to hurt me… please… you've never been here for me… ever… I can't protect myself… he wants to take your son… your child…" _

_ "Don't be ridiculous, Deidara…" the man said, desperation rising in his voice, fear alighting in the depths of his crimson eyes. "You will be safe… just let me help you…"_

_**"You shall not harm him… he is our son… you will NOT touch him…"**_

****_"You have no control over me…" The man laughed darkly, his voice suddenly harsh, edged with malice and hatred. "This place may be where you have power over the boy, but you will find that I am not so easily tamed…" The man laughed, a wild look in his eyes, and, the entire heartbeat of the realm seeming to grow still, he brought his hands together, a dark and arcane power spreading from them._

****_The world seemed to shatter; the blackness draining away until I was floating in an endless void of white. The man stood by me, eyes regarding me with solemn interest. _

_ "It isn't time for you yet… Your chains are too strong… you have to let go of this place if you are to be free…_

_ "But… t-this is all I know… it may be cold… I may be alone… but this is the only place where Mother and Father can watch over me… This is the only place their love can reach me…" My voice had returned, albeit weak and practically inaudible, each word a mere echo of a whisper._

_"Then you will never be free," the man said coldly. There was a brilliant flash, my vision darkening, and I was swallowed back up by the darkness._

* * *

Tobi gazed at Deidara's sleeping form, his eyes softening as the young blonde curled up in his sleep.

"The dream must have been too much for him to handle in his current state," Tobi sighed. "At this rate, I won't be able to help him anytime soon. His former self is all but gone…"

Tentatively, he stretched out a hand, his arm shaking as his outstretched fingers neared Deidara's face.

One touch. That was all he needed. One single touch. All he wanted was to feel Deidara's skin… one touch would make up for all those years of all-encompassing solitude.

But, he couldn't bring himself to do it.

His arm fell limply at his side, his crimson irises becoming shadowed with grief. It wasn't right. If he did this now, he would be no better in Deidara's eyes than all the men before him… Tobi knew the answer; it resonated deep in his heart, echoed in his entire being.

He would have to let things happen on their own accord.

But how much time was left? How much longer would he be allowed to watch over Deidara? The leader of the Akatsuki had given him permission to free Deidara from Sasori… but how much time would pass before Tobi was called to return.

And what if he had to return… without Deidara…

The thought terrified him…

Deidara stirred, rousing Tobi out of the depths of his thoughts. He turned his gaze back to Deidara, whose arms were coiled tightly around his legs, hugging his knees to his chest.

"Deidara…" Tobi whispered, his voice barely audible above Deidara's soft breathing.

Deidara's eye flashed open, much to Tobi's surprise. He wasn't quite sure how Deidara had heard him, but, since he had gone as far as to disturb his sleep, he might as well give Deidara a reason.

"What…? What is it?" Deidara mumbled groggily.

"You were tossing in your sleep," Tobi whispered, leaning in so that his lips almost grazed Deidara's ear, "I feared you were having a nightmare."

"It was nothing," Deidara smiled wearily, "I'm probably still just a little chilled from the rain." Deidara sat up quickly and hugged Tobi. "Goodnight, and thank you so much for all that you have done for me…"

"Goodnight… Deidara…" Tobi said, though his mind was now distant and in a daze.

His body radiated warmth from where Deidara had hugged him.

It was as if, for the first time in countless years, that something had managed to pierce through the immortal winter that had kept Tobi's soul and heart mere ice and, if only for a moment, Tobi had felt what it was to be truly alive again…


	3. Missing

**A/N: Okay, be really proud of me, because I had surgery and I still managed to update xD So... if the chapter kind of slips off near the end, it's because I was on mad drugs when I wrote it. Even now, I'm really dizzy, but I have a busy week/weekend, so I wanted to get it finished as soon as possible. Be lenient with me on this one :) Anyway, I'm going to go take a nap xD Also, in some of your reviews, you have questions as to what and why stuff is happening. I can't reveal a lot of it yet, but it will tie in, I promise... Unless I forget about it. Anyway :3 R&R please :3 tell me how I'm doing. Oh! About Tobi's personality change. Don't chastise me on that yet. I will explain it in a future chapter. Okay? Okay. Peace ^_^ I once again apologize for any confusion this chapter might inflict upon you.**

**SoleixDeidara**

* * *

Missing

The room was black… the darkness blocking out all but thought… and yet, Deidara knew things… impossible things. He knew that he lay on his back, facing the high ceiling with a slurred expression. He knew that to his left, approximately ten meters away from his current position, a small table, papers scattered on its surface, rested in the blackness. He knew, with a cold chill creeping over his body at the revelation, that, aside from himself, there was no life in the room…

He opened his lips to call out, but, a sudden flare blossoming in his mind, he knew that it would be folly; something told him that, whatever it was that had woken him up had more depth to it than a simple sound.

Quick movements were a mistake; if he moved summarily in any way, the tenuous strand that kept him connecting to the compelling force would dissipate—fade into oblivion—and Deidara would be left alone in the dark without the slightest preconception.

_Myself… I will ensure that my body is my own. _Deidara placed his hands on his chest, the skin lithe and tight, and, with slow, meticulous grace, he slid his hands down to his waist, the familiar jutting ribcage and hipbones reassuring his mind.

_He has yet to see me naked… I wonder if he would think differently of me should he see the ravages of my disorder. _

Deidara's pale skin was pressed tightly against his ribs, each bone accentuated and pronounced. His hipbones rose in sharp hills formed from his flesh; his collar bones practically sharp enough to slice the ozone.

He was, in essence, a living skeleton. Half alive, half dead—a goddess of skin and bone.

_Would he be angry…? Would he find me repulsive…? He couldn't… those words…_

Deidara stopped his thoughts, the reality of his situation finally sinking in. He had practically thrown his entire life into the hands of some complete stranger; he didn't even know the man's name from fuck's sake.

_So, so stupid… Did you even think? Did you even… calm down… just calm down… having a mental breakdown won't help anyone. _

Deidara's thoughts were once more interrupted as his stomach protested its neglect.

A cruel smile spread across Deidara's lips; he delighted in denying himself the fuel to live—his body was compelled to move through sheer force of will every day.

_A shower perhaps? No…_

Deidara was now confident in his situation. He could easily navigate the darkened penthouse; it wasn't a matter of elimination, Deidara knew exactly where he needed to go.

He wanted answers. Now.

As he sat up from the bed, the silken sheets curling around his wrists, begging him to stay and slip back into their warm embrace, Deidara's head spun—he hadn't eaten anything in over three days. He knew he couldn't keep going on at this rate, but food was the last thing on his mind.

He stood up, his bare feet pressing against the chilled marble beneath him, and, clutching the robe to his body for one last time, he let his only safeguard from the piercing chill of the penthouse slip from his body into a snow white pool around his feet.

The cold was brutal; his entire being screamed at Deidara to retreat to the safety and warmth of the silk fortress behind him, but Deidara wasn't about to let a little discomfort get in his way.

_Why would he leave in the middle of the night…? He just left me… Could he be off luring some other fool here… what if… what if I'm just one of many…? And the others are locked up here somewhere… _

Deidara hissed in disgust as the thought entered his mind. It was highly implausible, but Deidara knew next to nothing about the man who had "saved" him. For all he knew, he could just be another victim in this man's game…

_Konan… _

The woman had seemed quite omnipotent in her own respect. Perhaps, she knew more than Deidara did in this. At the time, it hadn't seemed to be of any significance, but she was the only other person Deidara had seen outside of the building.

That was strange for a city where, even in the dead of night, there were always numerous souls going about their business.

And then there was the fact that the man had said no one else was in the building… if he owned it and no one else lived in it, for what reason did he need to go "check things out" before Deidara was permitted to enter…

Nothing was adding up; Deidara had far more questions than answers.

It was as if the thin scrim of ice that he had long revered as the "known" had shattered beneath his feet, and now Deidara was treading water in a sea of the unknown and the unfamiliar.

A light entered Deidara's thoughts, and, with a startling revelation, Deidara realized he heard voices… both were very faint, but Deidara was sure one belonged to the man.

He tried to move toward the sound… the light that held all the answers, but Deidara found himself paralyzed.

The world around him seemed to blur—his body almost going numb. Suddenly, Deidara didn't control his own being… he didn't control anything. He just existed.

A sudden inhalation filled him with purpose once more; the glacial air cutting his throat as it entered his lungs. The pain drug him from his reverie and feeling flooded back through him.

Swallowing another intake of oxygen, Deidara took a tentative step forward, the frigid air filling his lungs and forcing him into clairvoyant alertness once more.

He was but a brittle skeleton, a wasted shell of a human, slowly dragging itself across the floor of a beautiful palace, and, at the end of the great hall, the truth sat upon the throne, awaiting his arrival.

The only thing that kept him moving was his fiery determination; it blossomed from the pit of his heart and billowed out through his body, fighting back the oppressive chill.

Deidara tried to take another step forward, however, to his horror, he couldn't move. He tried again, but, with each step he took, he only seemed to stay in the same place.

"Having trouble?" an all-too-familiar voice chuckled behind him. Deidara turned his head slowly, the fire in his heart spluttering out as his ice-blue eyes met the stony gaze of Sasori's own.

Pale blue strings flowing from Sasori's fingers were strung through the air, each thread connecting itself somewhere along Deidara's body.

"You… shouldn't be here…" Deidara whispered in disbelief. His own body threatened to betray him, blackness surrounding the edges of his vision; he wasn't completely sure how long he could force himself to stay conscious.

"You shouldn't have left," Sasori said evenly, his chestnut eyes holding nothing but pity and contempt for the creature before him.

"You don't own me," Deidara murmured. "You never did. Why are you surprised I took the first chance I got to escape from that hell…?" Deidara's words hung in the air for a moment, Sasori's bored expression only fueling the hatred that was steadily finding its way to the surface.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Deidara asked, unable to hide the shakiness from his voice.

Sasori let out a small laugh. "You really are stupid, Deidara." Deidara longed to lunge forward, wrap his skeletal hands around Sasori, and squeeze his neck until his bony fingers pierced the flesh and his life-blood spilled out across the floor, but he could only glare at Sasori, the strings proving to be a sufficient form of immobilization.

"You really thought that what you went through with me was hell?" Sasori asked, his words brooding with darkness. "You have no idea what hell is, little boy. You think all of this will save you? Do you really think that you can starve away your emotions? Do you think a pretty face and body will come to your rescue? Do you think that one day you will get some huge break and all of your suffering will suddenly have been for a purpose?"

Sasori paused, his eyes gauging Deidara's expression, but Deidara knew that his face held nothing; he didn't want to hear Sasori's words. If he heard them, there was a chance that they could become a reality.

No, as long as he was numb to Sasori's existence, he couldn't hurt him. He wasn't here. This was a phantom, a ghost, an apparition. The only power he had over Deidara was metaphysical. He couldn't harm him if he didn't acknowledge him.

Sasori chuckled, and, with the grace of a tiger stalking its prey, he slithered over to Deidara, leaning in so close that his lips brushed his ear.

"I'll let you in on a little secret." Sasori whispered. "The world is fucked up. Nothing you or I could ever do will change that. Some people are born lucky and some people have to claw their way to the top. They have to give everything they have for a chance… and sometimes it pays off, other times it bombs in their face and they stand amid the ashes and ruins of their former life wondering what went wrong. But you, you will remain what you have always been: a frightened little child whose only reassurance is the cruel touch of an older man and the piercing hunger that makes you feel alive. You have nothing, you are nothing, and you will always be nothing. Don't think that this man is your salvation, because, deep down, you and I are exactly the same. Do you really think anyone will give a fuck if some anorexic teen winds up dead in a bathroom? You're just another obituary that no one looks twice at. Remember that…"

Tears stream down Deidara's face, his hands clutch his ears; Deidara is desperate to block out any sound that comes from the ghost.

_He isn't real. He isn't real. He isn't real. He isn't real. Nothing he says can hurt me. Nothing he says is truth. He is the shroud of lies that sits before the throne of truth. This is a test. He isn't real. He isn't real. HE ISN'T REAL._

"I'm not going away, Deidara." Sasori cooed. "Why would I leave you all alone again? I just found you. I just want to make you feel safe…"

"You aren't real."

"But I am real, dear Deidara."

"You aren't real. You can't be real. I left you alone back in hell. You can't follow me. You couldn't fly out of that pit."

"Angels aren't the only ones with wings, Deidara."

"Leave."

"No—"

"LEAVE! YOU AREN'T WELCOME HERE. I LEFT YOU. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN HELL. DEMONS AREN'T ALLOWED IN HEAVEN. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU JUST STAY IN THE GROUND WHERE YOU BELONG…"

Deidara knew he had screamed those words—he had failed the test. The light of truth went out. The man would come into the room soon to figure out why Deidara had screamed, and Deidara would be back where he started: a frigid, half-alive corpse lying in a bed that was soiled by his impurity.

"Now, see, there you are. The real Deidara. This isn't you. You belong with me. You belong next to me. You belong to me. I had thought I'd lost you, but I knew better than that. No amount of glamour will ever wash away the ugly sins beneath your skin. Until next time, Deidara."

Sasori vanished, and, with him, the strings holding Deidara faded from existence. The last thing Deidara remembered before he crashed to the ground was a man rushing into the room, raven black hair framing a pale face and crimson eyes filled with worry…

* * *

"I'm worried about him," Tobi sighed, pulling his hooded cloak back over his face. "He shouldn't be this unstable… should he?"

The cobalt-haired woman eyes Tobi with a steeled gaze. "It's only been one day," Konan sighed, "Deidara is bound to be struggling with some repressed inner-turmoil. The best thing you can do for him now is to let him rest."

"But I—"

"—LEAVE! YOU AREN'T WELCOME HERE. I LEFT YOU. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO STAY IN HELL. DEMONS AREN'T ALLOWED IN HEAVEN. WHY THE FUCK CAN'T YOU JUST STAY IN THE GROUND WHERE YOU BELONG…"

The words pierced the silent atmosphere of the night. Tobi was on his feet immediately. He ran into the bedroom where Deidara was sleeping.

Deidara's eyes, fogged over and laden with tears, briefly locked onto Tobi's own before shutting tight as he fell to the ground.

"Shit," Tobi cursed. Deidara was in terrible condition. His bone-thin body was covered in bruises; he looked as if Tobi would break him with a single touch.

"What's wrong," Konan asked as she step daintily into the room, "Is he… oh dear…"

She clearly shared Tobi's sentiments. Deidara was a wreck. His skin was nearly paper-white and his body still convulsed slightly.

"I don't know…" Tobi said slowly, "Could you heal him? Is there anything you can do?"

"Tobi… no. He would only have more questions. You need to familiarize him with all of this slowly. He…"

She trailed off, and Tobi noticed her lips sink into a deep frown.

"He's been here…" Konan sighed, a single tear leaking from her eye.

"What? How…? This place is far too heavily safeguarded for him to enter, even through projection."

"Don't you smell it? The desert. You can almost feel the draining heat. It's no wonder Deidara is such a mess. His body is already under enough self-induced trauma. The sheer power of Sasori's aura no doubt rendered him helpless."

"That doesn't make sense…" Tobi cursed. "You and I would have felt him immediately…"

"Unless he had help…" Konan muttered. "There are some powerful beings out there… Many of which want you dead, Tobi."

Tobi waved a dismissive hand at the woman, her amber eyes not leaving his own crimson.

"You know I can protect Deidara. Please… don't ask me to let him go…"

"Tobi… if that were true, Sasori wouldn't have been able to get in… Maybe I should just ask Naga—"

"—NO! Please. I know he needs Deidara to remember everything as soon as possible. But, he can't yet. He isn't ready. You know how _he _is. He will rush everything, and Deidara will wind up hating the organization… and me…"

"You are being childish, Tobi." Konan chastised. "You need to think of the greater good. I know you can't bear to have him not be stricken in love with you, but there are more important matters at hand."

"Get out Konan." Tobi said, his face a mask of stone.

"The truth hurts, does it?" Konan chuckled darkly. "You can't handle the fact that all of this happened because of your stupid mistake? He gave everything for you… he sacrificed his being for you… and now you don't want him to remember who he is because he might not love you anymore?"

"Please… Konan… I'm sorry… I don't want to lose him again…"

Konan gazed at the raven-haired man, her eyes widening as she realized that tears flowed from the corner of each eye.

"I will be back." Konan said sternly, "Tomorrow, you will tell him your name. The next day, you may simply spend time with him. After that, I expect you to begin his induction. Time is running out. Naga… Pain grows impatient."

"He will get what he wants." Tobi hissed. "Just let me get to know Deidara again… It's been so long."

"I will return, Tobi. Do not disappoint me." Konan turned to leave, but she stopped, her hand lingering in the doorway. "I love you Tobi. All I want is for you to be happy, but… you need to understand that some things are out of our control…"

"He sacrificed his world for me. I can at least do the same."

"Until I return… enjoy him, Tobi. I haven't seen you happy in years. It's… nice…"

Tobi heard the familiar flutter of a thousand wings and Konan disappeared from the room.

"…I won't give up on you Deidara," Tobi said, clutching the teen's head to his chest. "You're in there somewhere… I know it… I'm coming for you…"

* * *

Deidara opened his eyes, the previously pitch-black room now flooded with white sunlight. He hadn't really had the chance to properly look around the previous night;

Sitting up slowly, Deidara noticed that the cloaked man seemed to be nowhere in sight once more.

"Umm… hello?" Deidara called out, "Are you here… umm, sir?" Deidara's words echoed for a moment against the onyx walls before ebbing away into silence. "I guess he isn't here. Oh well, I think I am going to shower again."

Deidara's memory of the previous night was hazy at best. He remembered strings… and there were piercing brown eyes. And of course there was the freezing cold. Nothing else really made sense—it was just blank thoughts.

Deidara jumped out of the silken sheets, wincing as his bones jarred as he hit the floor, and quickly made his way to the bathroom—the only place in the penthouse he was sure he could navigate himself to.

Deidara slipped off his robe, neatly folding and placing it on the ground beside the bathroom door. _I think that should suffice… if he sees it, he will know I am in the bathroom. _

Wearing nothing but his tight black underwear, Deidara eased open the door and strode into the bathroom, letting out an inaudible scream as his eyes drank in the scene.

A pale, raven haired man faced away from him, the sinewy muscles on his back rippling and contorting as he maneuvered a white towel around his body, turning around as he brought the towel to his face and began to feverously dry his hair.

Deidara couldn't breathe, his face felt hot, and his only goal in life at that moment was to avoid looking down. The man's body was as close to perfect physical condition as Deidara could imagine, each muscle pronounced but not past the point of subtlety.

"I'm sorry." Deidara finally managed to stammer. The man jumped as he heard Deidara's voice, quickly moving the towel from his hair to his waist, and Deidara found himself gazing into a pair of crimson eyes.

"You know," the man panted, no doubt his heart beating off into the sky, "There is such a thing as knocking…"

Deidara was speechless. All he could do was stare at the man, which didn't exactly help the situation.

"Umm… should I go?" Deidara asked, his cheeks burning slightly colder than the sun.

"No, no," The man laughed, "by all means stay here. The damage has been done."

"But… you're naked…" Deidara stammered. _Wait… why should I care if he's naked… wasn't the whole point of this for me to have sex with him? He did pay for me after all…_

"I can fix that," the man laughed, "if you want me to."

"Well, I could look at you if you did that." Deidara laughed, making the point to mime shielding his eyes with his hands.

"What's wrong?" the man asked, a wounded tone in his voice, "you don't like the view." As if to exaggerate the point, the man swiveled his hips back and forth.

At that point, Deidara's cheeks were hot enough to boil water.

"Umm… I'm just going to curl up and die… okay?"

"I'm sorry," the man said. He quickly toweled off and slipped on some under armor tights… which didn't really help hide what was between his legs.

"Better?"

"Well, I can still see everything, but I guess that counts."

The man laughed, quickly coming over and scooping up a petrified Deidara in his arms, and, with expert speed and grace coupled with ignoring a certain blonde's protests, the man maneuvered through the house until they were in the living room.

"Alright," the man chuckled as he set Deidara down on the couch, "I am going to answer a few of your questions."

Deidara was surprised. He had fully believed that the man was going to ask him to start giving him his "money's-worth."

"Umm, okay…" The first question was simple; it was something Deidara had been dying to know ever since he had first stepped into the car outside Sasori's apartment.

"What is your name?"

"Tobi. Next."

Deidara repeated he word a few times, the sound rolling off his tongue almost familiar. _Alright, that was painless._

"Are you planning for us to have sex anytime soon?" Deidara said bluntly. "After all, you paid five grand for me. You'd have to be some kind of idiot to just do that and expect nothing in return."

Tobi pondered this for a moment. "I won't lie and say I don't want to have sex with you; I mean, seriously, every urge in my body is telling me to wrap myself around you right now, but, I want you to respect me and therefore I must respect you. I will not ask you to do _anything _you aren't comfortable with. Fair enough?"

Deidara swallowed hard. It wouldn't take much persuasion from this guy to get him into bed, but Deidara was glad that he cared so much.

"Alright… one more." Tobi smiled.

_I have to make this one count… _

"Why did you do all of this?" Deidara asked. The question was simple, but there could be a hundred different ways Tobi could interpret it. Any answer was fine as long as it satisfied Deidara's query.

"You want the truth?" Tobi chuckled softly. Deidara nodded. "Because I love you."

"Why do you love me?"

"Ah, ah, ah," Tobi smirked, "that was your last question."

Deidara cursed silently. He had fallen for that one. However, there was nothing more he could do. Tobi had been more than fair to answer any of his questions.

Deidara would have to wait until another opportunity came along to learn more about this mysterious guy.

"Now, I have a question for you?"

"Go on," Deidara smiled.

"I won't pretend like I haven't noticed your body…" Tobi began. "Those bruises… where did you get them… and why are you so thin?"

Deidara sighed. He hated serious discussions… especially when they pertained to his own well-being.

"Sasori beat me quite often," Deidara laughed softly, though there was no humor in the sound, "And as for why I am so skinny, I starve myself. The constant physical pain and emptiness numbs the strength that emotion has over me. I become less human, and therefore I become immune to the ties of humanity. And, I just so happen to become closer to perfection every time I refuse myself. I don't expect you to understand. Anorexia has been my anesthetic for countless years. It's like an old friend that will always take me back when I have nowhere else to go… I guess that's it… God I ramble on too much."

Deidara looked up at Tobi, whose crimson eyes were brimming with sorrow.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea." Tobi said slowly. The words were caring, but there was a deep, brooding hatred lying dormant just beneath the surface.

"I'm sorry; I didn't mean to anger you." Deidara sighed.

"You didn't." Tobi assured, "I'm just… upset I couldn't have saved you from Sasori sooner."

"You saved me now… that's all that matters."

Tobi visibly brightened as Deidara said those words, a perfect while smile spreading across his face.

"Alright, I have one more question for you?"

"Okay, what is it?" Deidara sighed softly.

"What do you want for lunch?"

* * *

**A/N: SURPRISE! TWO A/N'S. Okay. This is just to say thank you for sticking with me on this. I'm so busy :( and I feel really bad that this story is going so slow, but I just want it to be... idk... worth reading. Things will pick up soon. Okay, I've rambled long enough. If you have any questions PM me, or better yet, leave it in a review :3 **

**(P.S. 21 FREAKING REVIEWS FOR TWO CHAPTERS?! YOU GUYS ARE THE BEST.))**

**(P.S.S. I am obsessed with Lana Del Rey currently, so expect music of her to be in the chapters. **


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